Fight within myself

This fight within myself no one ever hears about. It’s strong, it never lets go, it haunts me. I never get a second to myself without these thoughts popping in my head. I hold my head high as my mother has tought me to do. Even through the darkest of days. 

I play a role in my on life. I play the role as a mother, wife and sometimes a friend. Why I say I play a role, it is quite simple. I never feel like crawling out of bed, getting dress more less clean the house. I have no want or need to do anything anymore. I have no desire for things I know deep within I like to do with everything in me. I play the role as a mother to my children but if I had my way I would lay in bed waisting my life away. I play the role to wake up feed my kids and put a fake smile on, cook breakfast and make it though the day without losing my mind. It’s a daily affair of the reality show I play a role in. 

How I wished I felt like myself and I no longer play a role but be the role. I don’t know what causes all the daught, loneliness this depression I’ve been fighting. It’s a battle within myself to make myself get up get moving and doing something productive on a daily bases. 

The fight within myself I no longer have one simply because I no longer feel like fighting. The darkness has over come me and I’ve lost the battle still I sit here and I play a role.  With the simpleness of I have too.  The thoughts that run through my head are over powering me yet it’s a fight within myself toward myself. The thoughts tell me I’m no good, I have no friends, my husband only wants me where his kids will be with him and he has to do nothing around the house as well as a well we all know what men want, I’m fat, I’m no good and the list goes on and on. 

With the fight I fight within I will win this I will overcome this dark and bitter place I am in one way or another. 

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