Hard to always be the strong one.

It’s hard being the one who is strong, the one who always is the one that has to pick  others up when they are on the ground dying in pain, screaming for help while I am screaming myself to be picked up because I am on my way to the down fall; straight to the ground. Why do I have to be the one that is strong, that helps others up from the grave while I myself is well working on the way down to fill one myself?; because God has called me to be. Why can’t anyone see that I am screaming on the inside; for someone to recognize, to see, to help. Instead I am the strong one; the one that everyone comes to. Who am I suppose to go to in time of need, when I need a lending hand, when I need someone to get me out of the grave? I know I always seem strong; I am to an extent, I know I don’t show I am hurting. When I am my showing not the way you are showing, my showing is different. I have always been the one to stand up and take charge and be the leader when things go wrong, the one who stays calm in crazy situation. I am the strong one who only has one that sees my call. Sometimes I don’t even realize most of the time he’s got his arms tightly around me, hold me, letting me know that he’s there and never will leave me alone. So sometimes I just stand up, head high; forgetting that God is behind me holding me up where I will not fall, Squalling through the horror of life’s disastrous pain, knowing one day I’ll make it and that God is there even though I do not always realize he is; knowing the pain will one day stop because God has me in his arms. I can be the one who is strong, someone that someone else strives to be like, someone for someone else to go to in time of need.  I do fall although God gives me the strength to stand strong. 🙂 ❤

2-3-2011

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